Posted Oct 7, 2012 11:01pm
Oscar outgrew an outfit. Like the formerly full length sleeves are now mutton sleeves as my mom would have called them. Not quite elbow but some unflattering spot in between. He also still prefers to be balled up in a fetal position so while it is conjecture I am pretty certain the legs are too short too. He is still supposed to be in utero for another month so I will give him a break on the balling up part.
He is eating like a champion, or should I say Jones. I am nursing most feeds (6 out of 8) and only pumping twice which is such a nice upgrade. I feel like I have a handle on his breathing tendencies too. I still get scared fairly often but I know how to stimulate him to be on the safe side. I don’t even think he needs it all that often anymore, but I do it just in case. It is so ironic to have a baby that I have wake to eat. That part kind of sucks I have to say but he goes right back down in short order and does his very important job of feeding and growing and feeding and growing. When he is alert, I am seeing more of Lucca in him all the time. The Colton/Gerry/Fran is obvious! Oscar, Lucca and I have the same eyes. It is lovely to see him take shape, relax, and be a baby.
It is only in these last days that I think I have begun to process all that has happened in the last few months. I have moments of strange crying jags that are at least partially hormonal in derivation but also I think my way of expelling the drama. Christ there has been a lot of drama. In order to manage the daily ups and downs of my baby being very sick (our NICU nurse’s words in the first few days, just awful to hear), extremely premature (by all standards), and all the other madness of our story, I held my figurative breath. I didn’t know I was doing it, until recently. Its the only way to get through I think. I took the days in 3 hour increments, and did whatever was necessary to manage that piece. Then on to the next. How else can you get through doctors and nurses sticking your tiny preemie with needles and shoving tubes down his throat? As crucial as those measures are, and as thankful as I am they exist, it is unimaginable until you have had to live through it.
Maybe that’s how I got all these boys. Its the universe’s way of ensuring less drama in my future. More bugs, superheros and soccer but decidedly less drama I hope 😉