There is something in me that awakens when I am here.
I am sitting in my garden. My boys are sleeping or almost. It is after 9pm. I am squinting from the sun in my eyes, and the quiet is nearly deafening. The only sounds are the strange songs of the indigenous birds and the occasional gaggle of bike riders heading down to the seaside in their bathrobes and swim suits, Viken style. There is a celebration here during this time of year that you can only really understand if you have experienced the Swedish winter. They don’t waste a minute of this precious light on sleep or worry. It is time to rejoice.
Oh, and I love driving stick shift. I miss it.
It is like some part of me I can never really explain comes to the forefront and I am deeply at ease. The swedish part. There is such goodness here.
I think it all boils down to my mom being happy. She likes when I am here and I feel her embrace all the time. She hovers nearby and smiles at me, happy that I am home. And I feel it.
I hope I am giving my children this duality. The feeling of home far away from your actual home. The ability to make your home where the most love is at that moment. It is such a wonderful feeling, and I am grateful.
Cecilia and I have reunited. Wondertwins power. We are so strong when we are together, nothing can touch us or bring us down. What an embarrassment of riches to have family like her. I would cross ten oceans if that’s what it took to get to her.
I miss Matt terribly of course. But I love him for understanding this part of me, and making room for it. That is part of my ease, knowing that he knows. He said to me one night at the Hotel Cipriani in Venice some nine years ago, “I want our children to know two things, your father, and Sweden.” And it was then I knew my resounding acceptance of his then days-old proposal was so right. He truly knew me.
On the docket for tomorrow: crab fishing in Solviken with Magnus et al and a visit to Mormor, requested by Lucca.
I wish for everyone I love the peace I feel here.