Missing Piece Part 1

If only I could see ten years into the future.  Know what life with my youngest boy will be like then.  I am so curious.  Oscar and I have two modes.  One, hyper-intimate. The other at arm’s length, with me leaving him behind for his own protection but necessarily delegating his daily goings on to someone else.  Fortunately for me, I have revisited the closeness of the first mode with him this week.  We have been a pair, just he and I, since Monday night.  It is a precious time, these moments with just my Missing Piece, as I have come to affectionately call him.  As much as I miss Matt, Colton and Lucca (and I can’t overstate that), it has been dreamy to just be mother and child.  Especially with a baby I have been through so much with.  The only other time it has been just us was the NICU.  It was so intense, our partnership so desperate.  This time around, there is an ease.  I drink him up and truly revel in his every giggle and grimace.  I am glad to get to know him this way.  Most of the time it is a blur of boys and their many needs and wants.  I love that chaos.  But this quiet is sublime.  Tomorrow we reunite again, and things go back to their normal cadence.  But O and I are a little closer in a calm, normal way that I didn’t see coming but I so love. My tiny man. Image

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