That’s how I feel today. Like the king punished by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action forever.
I had a super frustrating morning with the boys, culminating in my yelling at Colton to GET IN THE CAR!!! in a tone I have never heard come out of my mouth before. He almost cried. I felt like the worst mom ever, and both my big boys looked at me like they didn’t know who I was.
I took Oscar for his 2 month visit today. He only gained 4 ounces. In the right direction but not as much as we hoped. We will need to do more expressed milk in bottles since I am too anxious about his calorie intake to just ride out the exclusive nursing angle. It will be fine, and he’s healthy. He’s 19 inches now and his head grew the most of all, to 36cm around. He got 4 shots and the rotovirus oral vaccines so he’s really sleepy today.
Worst of all, Oscar needs surgery. General anesthesia, cut him open, back to the hospital surgery.
When I gave Oscar his bath yesterday I noticed a lump on his left groin area. I honestly thought it might be his testicle not descended properly, but I knew that they had checked that in the NICU and all was well. I also knew I was headed in to the Dr today so I brought it up with him. Oscar has an inguinal hernia. It is fairly common for preemies, and the surgery itself is very straight forward. But of course I started to lose it as soon as I got home and called Matt. I am just sick to death of poor Oscar having to go through medical drama. I just don’t want him to go to the hospital anymore. No more needles, no more blood tests, no more holding his feeds. I’ve had enough. Oscar has surely had enough. I just want to swaddle him up in our coziest blanket and nurse him for the rest of time. But that isn’t how its going to be. At least not yet.