Testosterone

There is a lot of it here. Its all boys all the time. So much fun but also crazy. And one of mine is just the sweetest little potato right now and causing no trouble at all. Well, one scary spell of possible apnea last night that lead to stimulating him to be sure. So that’s sort of trouble. But not on purpose trouble the kind his brothers specialize in.
Oscar is doing well. Taking forever to finish the bottle feeds but nursing as well as ever. I wish I could just nurse him around the clock but being that he can’t leave the house for the better part of the next season it would be very hard on Colton and Lucca if I were not to work on the bottles with him. So the pump is still a fixture alas but I hate it less. I think now that Oscar is here with me its doesn’t bother me nearly as much. He is concrete, tangible in a way he couldn’t be when he was in the hospital. Its all here for my eyes to see and my hands to touch. We can cuddle all day and I can really get to know him without the breaks to come home and see my other children.
Our family is taking shape. Things are in flux for sure. Matt and I have to relearn everything, and that’s never easy on anyone. The big boys just want to be in my lap all day long, which makes nursing kind of hard! I don’t want to discourage them from participating though, and I try my hardest not to get irritated. Especially with little Lucca. Matt and Colt went on the Y Guides Fall Camping overnight last night so they could be formally inducted into the Chippewa Tribe. It was just Lucca and I (and Oscar of course). It was a lovely night. I have never had only Lucca as a child, naturally. He is very clingy right now understandably but as long as I don’t fight that he is great and such good company. I know someday soon he will start saying his ‘S’s properly but I almost dread it because everything he says is so adorable now. “Mom!!!! Look out!!! A NAKE IS COMING!!!” he’ll yell with wide eyes.
Colt and Matt came home tired as all get out after a night of little sleep and lots of adventure. I am so in love with matt when he’s this dad. Not that he isn’t always a great dad, but when he’s the guy who takes his 5 year old on his first camping trip dad I really remember why I always dreamt of having kids with Matt when we were dating. Colt fell asleep on the car ride home (the first time this has happened in 3 years), and when Matt carried all 60 lbs of him up to his bed, they both smelled of campfire. I had a visceral and emotional reaction to it, like, mmmm, yes, I have boys. Here are two of them, aren’t I lucky? They do neat stuff like put war paint on their faces and do ropes courses in the rain just to save the good time. Once he woke up he drew me close and excitedly whispered in my ear “Mom, last night I became an Indian! For real life!!!!!”
We are good, gang. There are so many emotions as always, but the pervasive feeling is one of contentment. Again.