Homeward Bound

Not get ahead of myself, but Oscar’s Dr yesterday told me that they try to get the preemies ready to come home around 35 weeks. Oscar is 32 weeks 5 days today. That seems like an impossibility to me, and to Matt for that matter. Oscar is doing great by all accounts, but there is so much for him to do before he comes home it seems. He needs to be regulating his own body temp in an open air crib, taking all feeds by mouth, gaining weight consistently, and breathing without oxygen support. I guess things can happen quickly in the NICU. But still, for all the nights I spend dreaming of Oscar’s homecoming and how truly amazing it will be to have him here I am scared.
This is a tiny baby. A teeny, tiny little spoonful of a baby.
Not on the inside of course. And not for long I know. But right now, he is very little. Just look at the photo of Lucca with him from yesterday. He may appear big in his ‘solo shots’ but this gives perspective to those who aren’t seeing him in person yet.
It is nerve wracking to think that we would be in charge of him, all by ourselves. Matt had the same reaction I did. “He’s not ready! How could he be ready in that amount of time?” I don’t know but Dr Rakos said something that resonated with me.
He said the NICU is a very important place for these babies but not for one day more than they need it.
We all know what babies need. They need love, attention, little booties, milk, a blanket, mommy on call 24/7, you fill in the blanks. Oscar needs to be home the very day he’s ready to come. And I/we have to prepare ourselves. We can and will do it. It will be unlike anything we have ever done before.
Oscar gained 56 grams last night. That’s a LOT for him. He’s on the cannula but only for stimulation at this point. Its not so much helping him breathe as it is reminding him to breathe. The main goal for this week is to wean him off the cannula all together so we can address the reflux issue. If he does have it the cannula could be masking the symptoms, which must be treated before O can come home. Then, starting sometime in the next gestational week (thursday marks the beginning of week 33) we will try to introduce breast/bottle feeds. They could make the reflux worse, so that’s why we will wait a bit.
Gail leaves tomorrow and I am very sad about it. It has been wonderful to have her maternal presence here, and has made such a big difference to the boys. And of course it makes me miss my own mother. Everything does, really. But that’s another post and I don’t feel like crying right now so I’ll save it.
Mamma, jag vet att du är här med mig, och jag vet att det är du som tar hand om lilla Oscar just nu. Jag är så ledsen att jag inte kan nå din hand nu när jag behöver det så förtvivlat. Jag vet att du är också det.